12 / 3 / 2018

A couple updates back I mentioned a big site cleanup was underway. The review section is officially done, and I've moved on to the living "Gaming For A Living" article series - the Grinding For Cash & Prizes subsection has been cleaned up and had some new content added, and even more new content is on the way with the next update.

Also, the PlayStation Classic hit shelves today, so we've got a breakdown of whether or not it's a worthy pickup.

11 / 24 / 2018

♫ So we're finally here! / And updating for you! / If you read old-ass reviews you can join in too! / Put your hands together and please don't fap! / As we take you through, this monkey crap! ♫

Today's update is something of a cautionary tale in bringing beloved 2D franchises into 3D for the first time. Both games are OK, but were disappointing in their own way. With Donkey Kong 64 (Nintendo 64, 3/5) Rare miscalculated on the public's appetite for collect-a-thon platforming, while the 2009 Bionic Commando (PC, 3/5) takes a quirky 2D NES platformer core and kinda awkwardly fuses it with the grim Soldier Man FPS games that were popular at the time.

11 / 16 / 2018

Whew, lot going on today.

First, the update: shooty shooty bang bang with Rolling Thunder 3 (Genesis, 3/5), a fairly faithful follow-up to the original arcade game that isn't quite as well-designed, and Steven Seagal Is The Final Option (SNES, NR), an unreleased mostly-complete beta of what would have been a Seagal beat-em-up with digitized graphics.

Next item: we're done with Facebook (as the disappearance of the icon in the top menu bar might indicate). I'll cross-post the explanation posted to the wall, which will remain up for a bit before I close the account:

"Plato's Cavern will no longer be using Facebook. There were already existing issues with posts being deleted randomly after going up, but the final straw was the company's recent hiring of a PR firm expressly to smear critics and promote anti-Semitic conspiracy theories in an attempt to deflect attention from their negligence in protecting user's personal data and enabling the spread of "fake news" propaganda."

Facebook's data collection has been troubling from day 1, but this is a whole new low for them. Trash company, trash platform that usually randomly deletes my posts anyway. Screw 'em. As part of my big Menu O' Things To Do I'm looking at expanding into some more gaming-centric social media platforms. Stay tuned on that one.

Also, over the past month or so I've been gradually doing one of the big site clean-ups I like to do periodically. Swept through the game reviews section making things generally nicer, next up is the "Other Articles" section over the next couple of weeks, which will include updating some of the "living articles" like the one about making money from gaming.

Finally, just a heads-up that the Humble Store started their fall sale yesterday, and it runs to Thanksgiving. Check the Twitterbutts account for our Under $2 and Under $5 recommendations.

11 / 06 / 2018

Last day to vote in the US, in what might be the last free and fair election ever here if things go as badly as possible. I don't think they will but, y'know, save this update to read in line at the polls or something. If you're elsewhere in the world, carry on.

Anyway, I wish I had the foresight to have some political games ready for today, but instead I've got hacky slashy fantasy games. It's an interesting crop though. Crystal of Kings (Arcade, 3/5) was made by some SNK refugees during the brief period where they disbanded due to bankruptcy but hadn't yet reformed into SNK Playmore. Legacy of Ys: Books I and II (Nintendo DS, 3/5) is yet another port of the first two Ys games, but this one has the distinction of replacing the bump combat with a rudimentary sword swing button. Don't get too excited about it though, it ain't gonna be mistaken for Zelda. Finally, don't break the Dark Seal (Arcade, 3/5) until you cast your ballot or you'll be running to the bathroom all day.

10 / 29 / 2018 

Welp ... it's that time of year again ... obligatory spooOOoooOOooOoky update. This year we'll start out with Cadillacs & Dinosaurs (Sega CD, 1/5), which is maybe questionably Halloween-y but I'll allow it given that it's looking more and more like our actual future in a few decades. Also it has some gory scenes that are a little reminiscent of those Dinosaurs Attack cards.

It's a trash game though so here are two more, also on Sega platforms. Decap Attack (Genesis, 3/5) is an odd and goofy platformer that actually isn't bad despite one of gaming's oddest characters and move sets, and Monster Bash (Arcade, 3/5) is a forgotten arcade title from The Big S that is actually surprisingly interesting.

Oh, one other item - Monster Party, which isn't new but was lost in the archives for some time. I guess during one of the big site upheavals of the past, I forgot to add it to the NES menu. So welcome back Monster Party. That's it for now, watch those blood sugar spikes and we'll see you in November.

10 / 25 / 2018

Some unique flavors of RPG on the menu today: Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance (Gamecube, 3/5) was the first of the famous SRPG series to venture into 3D, and Citizens of Earth (PC, 3/5) is aimed at Earthbound/Mother fans left longing for more.

10 / 19 / 2018

"Propaganda! It's the tits, man!" - unfortunately a lot of people's theme song these days.

Today we have two bleak visions of the future to choose from ... fascist-run but pretty and idyllic Mediterranean islands, or bleak anarchic wasteland where you can Do What You Want 'Cause A Post-Nuclear Hobo Is Free. Both probably a lot closer than any of us are comfortable with. The former is Beyond Good and Evil (Gamecube, 4/5) and the latter is Hokuto no Ken 2 (NES, 1/5). Enjoy!

10 / 14 / 2018

Today's theme is pretty much just "games I enjoyed in the mid-90s on my old 486 DX2/66." Get hired for your phat sound with Extreme Pinball (PC, 3/5), and then Sam & Max Hit the Road (PC, 4/5) is a re-review. The old one was one of the first reviews on the site and honestly it was pretty halfassed, for some reason I didn't feel like actually playing through the game back then.

10 / 09 / 2018

Tryin' to get back to regular updates here, for serious this time. Today we're cyberplunking it up with Shadowrun Returns (PC, 3/5), the big glorious RPG return of the franchise, and Chaos Engine (SNES, 2/5), a popular Bitmap Bros. game with pumpin' electronic music that the oldheads might remember.

10 / 02 / 2018

Last time out: Sax! This time: Violins!

Controversial old-school gore today with Deception III: Dark Delusion (PS1, 2/5), Damage: The Sadistic Butchering of Humanity (Amiga, 1/5) and Mad Nurse (Commodore 64, 2/5).

08 / 27 / 2018

TIL Wikipedia has an entry for "breast physics." That's your cue to jet if you don't care for the Licentious updates as we've got the first of the year (wow) today with the original Dead or Alive (PS1, 3/5), Shinobi Girl (Flash, 2/5) and Lady Master of Kung Fu (Arcade, 1/5).

08 / 18 / 2018

Arr, a piratey day. Today's booty haul consists of freeware pirate-themed RPG Dubloon (PC, 3/5) and the three Goonies games by Konami - The Goonies (NES, 3/5), The Goonies 2 (NES, 3/5), and, er ... The Goonies (MSX, 2/5).

08 / 09 / 2018

Today we have a new release for the first time in ... uh ... well maybe we should just forget about that. The important thing is, Hero-U: Rogue to Redemption (PC, 4/5). It's a niche release, but it's a pretty big deal for old-school adventure gamers. Particularly fans of the Quest For Glory series, for which it's a spiritual follow-up from the same designers.

06 / 23 / 2018

Trying to get back into some regular updates here ... apparently without images for now though, because I still can't figure out why the CMS eats half the page when I insert one, but only on THIS particular page.

Anyway. This time out, a little overlooked arcade action with the Japan-only Denjin Makai (3/5), which is a beat-em-up with an unusual cyberpunkish theme and a big roster of characters and moves. Also RayStorm (PS1, 3/5), a port of a Taito arcade shooter from the late 90s with polygonal graphics in a traditional 2D gameplay style.

05 / 29 / 2018

OK, well I hope nobody needed the updates from here to January, because our web host just randomly deleted them when I tried to add this latest update. You can still catch them on Facebook and Twitter I guess.

Fortunately, that seems to be the only damage, so ... today we continue coverage of Capcom's dragon-flavored RPG series with Breath of Fire IV (PlayStation, 3/5), and we also have a look at new social casino MyPalaCasino (Facebook, 3/5). Like MyVEGAS, MyPala lets you cash in free play tokens for real rewards, but most of them require you to be in San Diego to use.

01 / 04 / 2018 to 05 / 28 / 2018

So, having the middle section of a page randomly disappear after I hit "save" in the Talkspot CMS is a reality I apparently have to adjust to now in Darkest Timeline 2018. 

The news page was like the one thing I don't keep a backup of so all the previous teaser images and witty bon mots are gone, tragically. I can offer you a quick and dirty list of this year's updates should you need it, however:

The Most Modded: Wrestling Games 

01 / 03 / 2018


Aaah, love that nice clean news page feeling for the new year.

2018 off to quite the carny start though, all we can do to compete is offer you rasslin'. So we have Fire Pro Wrestling Combination Tag (T16, 2/5), the very first of the Fire Pro games, and Big Bang Pro Wrestling (NGPC, 3/5), AFAIK the only wrestling game ever made for the Neo Geo Pocket Color.




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