DEMOLITION GIRL / D3 Publisher / PlayStation 2

D3 Publisher's "Simple 2000" series, which never saw the light of day in the USA for whatever reason, was mostly about lurid / goofy game concepts slapped together in record time on a thin budget. They did have some cool core concepts at times, but the execution very frequently sucked because they weren't committed to doing things the right way.

(Incidentally, if you ever happened to wonder what happened to the developers of Toshinden after that series got outmoded ... it was this. They went on to make this game and a bunch of other budget sexualized games like it.)

Demolition Girl really could be the poster child for the whole Simple 2000 series. The game combines two of Japan's great loves: "kaiju" giant monster movies, and bikini-clad "idorus" frolicking in the sun. The setup is that lovely young model Riho (the ongoing mascot for the Simple 2000 games) is on a beach photoshoot one day, is bitten by a weird-looking crab and grows to Very Bigly proportions. The confused model then begins skipping and frolicking about Japan, as such young women will do, except she's so huge she's destroying cities. You play as an unnamed and unseen member of the country's SDF who attempts to contain her antics through the use of various military vehicles.

Funny concept, and one that could be fun if handled well. Unfortunately, the only aspect of the actual game that shows significant effort is Riho's giant character model. Everything else seems like it was handed off to first-year game programming students to hack together.

Most levels have you in a helicopter, hovering around Riho performing various tasks like obtaining her measurements with a special beam or shooting anesthetic missiles into her weak points. The helicopter controls like absolute ass, but these levels are manageable with a little practice. You can usually strafe out of Riho's way pretty easily, and you can carry three "distraction items" into each level that keep her still for a good amount of time. The only situations in which these really get frustrating is when you have limited time to hit a spot on her front, and she decides to skip away from you across the map and keep turning in the other direction. You also want to save the distraction items for moments when she gloms onto you and won't stop running toward you.

What little fun it might be falls apart in the third level, which goes all Independence Day and slaps you in a jet to shoot down aliens out of nowhere. The controls are absolute ass, and the incredible inaccuracy of your guns and missiles would be hilarious if it wasn't so enragingly frustrating. It's also technically an escort mission, though you're way more likely to get yourself shot down than to see enough harm come to Riho and the helicopters that are carrying her. Neither a jet dogfighting level nor an escort mission had any business being in a game this sloppy.

There isn't really anything else to do but replay the missions to find secret little hidden tasks that gradually unlock some possibly salacious pic ... really not worth the effort. Apparently there are only six levels in total, I quit at the third.

If you've got one of those giant woman fetishes, welp, here's your game. Otherwise, avoid. The gameplay is just such clunky trash that it ruins everything else about the experience.

Videos :

* Gameplay Video