DAN DOLME / Burning Dreams / PC
 
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Dan Dolme is really kinda like a '90s I Wanna Be The Guy. Stripped-down platforming made out of nowhere from some independent developer with the theme of a guy trapped in a video game world, released for free, and with design that seems to intentionally be trolling you at every turn. The difference here is just, y'know, there's a dude with his dick hanging out and twitchy humping in Custer's Revenge style.
 


Released in 1994, Dan Dolme's quest takes him through a weird and non-linear platformer world to discover all of its hidden women and spastically copulate with them until they vanish into the ether. Here's the thing -- I bet a lot of people in the pre-Youtube years never even discovered the game was non-linear. If you follow the one apparent path from the beginning, after a few screens you run into a TMNT NES-like jump that I'm not sure it's even possible to clear. The path forward is to actually illogically jump upwards from the first screen, which unexpectedly clips you through some clouds and onto a new branch.



You soon find that, aside from weird screen transitions, the game's entire challenge revolves around jumping off of platforms at the last possible pixel, which gets real tedious real fast. There's nothing else going on here and it's just not enjoyable at all. Also seems to be completely lacking in either sound or music, unless I'm having DOSBox issues on that front. Burning Dreams has made their whole '90s back catalog available for free if you want to check it out though, the link is below.
 
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