- If you don't like this, you don't have a soul
- It's rollin', but somebody is gonna be hatin'
- OK for the most part, but there's a hefty list of flaws
- This game are sick
11 / 19 / 2009
Well, I knew this day was coming ... this site is hosted by Talkspot, and when I started out with them 2 years ago they were offering free sites with unlimited upload space and etc. Of course, it's tough to sustain a business giving away everything for free, so about a year ago they transitioned to a model where the free sites have a very stringent limitation on amount of pages and upload space, but they were generous enough to allow those of us who were "grandfathered" in before that to keep our old sites with no limitations.
As of Jan. 31, however, the "old system" where all of us dinosaur freebie sites are hosted is going offline. But no worries, this site isn't dying! I'm going to transition it to their "new system", which involves paying a yearly fee. That might sound a bit like bogus hijacking but really, I've been kind of abusing the system with about 200-300 MB of image uploads all this time, and the fee is only $70/yr. which is about as good as it gets for web hosting with unlimited everything and the kind of personal, responsive service this site has.
Hopefully there will be just a seamless transition in the background using this same URL, but if the URL changes, I'll post it here by the end of December. At the very least this site will be here in this form until Jan. 31.
11 / 14 / 2009
Make your shirt explode! A rather Meh Genesis crop today, but there's some interesting ideas in here. Gargoyles , General Chaos , The Haunting and Last Battle
11 / 08 / 2009
Space, and beyond .... Star Trek 25th Anniversary and Star Trek: The Next Generation for NES, and the really obscure (but interesting) Omnicron Conspiracy for PC
10 / 28 / 2009
OooOOoooOOOOO it's HELLoWeeEEEeeeEEEEn ... bleh. The original plan was to wait a couple more days and then have Grim Fandango in the mix, but I went to dig my old copy out of storage and ... it doesn't work anymore :(
So here's Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street for the NES, and Splatterhouse 3 for the Genesis. OoooOOooOOooOOoooOOOOOOOOO!!!!
10 / 22 / 2009
Random action games today - Dashin' Desperados for Genesis, Contra for NES and Astro Warrior for Sega Master System. Also probably the last update until just about the end of the month, when we'll do a big combo update for Halloween and Dia de Los Muertos.
10 / 19 / 2009
Aw man, I'm tired of helping nubs. Well anyway, I finally broke free from the fiendish grip of Final Fantasy Tactics Advance
10 / 18 / 2009
How about a Genesis Sports Day with Barkley: Shut Up And Jam! , Bill Walsh College Football and ... uh ... Crue Ball ?
10 / 15 / 2009
Today we evaluate Ninjer content on the Sega Master System with Ninja Gaiden , The Ninja and Ninja Princess
10 / 10 / 2009
Man, I never realized how thin the NES is on zombie games. There's only two games that have "zombie" heading the title, and both have either no or very cursory zombie content! Seems a bit of false advertising. Anyway, Zombie Hunter and Zombie Nation both suck.
10 / 06 / 2009
My big plan for this update was to add both Tactics Ogre: Knights of Lodis and Final Fantasy Tactics Advance at the same time, to sort of round out the "big name" strategy-RPGs on the Gameboy Advance (we already have the three Fire Emblem games for the system in the Archives here.) However, once I actually started playing FFTA ... I found it to be way better than I remembered it being and I'm actually enjoying slowly working my way through it, so I'm gonna put that one on the back burner and move on to other games in the meantime so as to not rush it.
So uh, yeah ... Knighs of Lodis. Pretty good, maybe not quite as good as the two FE games that the Engrish world got and FFTA, but still pretty good.
10 / 02 / 2009
Well ... I was hoping lightning would strike twice in the way of good Playstation obscurities with The Divide: Enemies Within , but it turned out just a bit more Meh Face than I was expecting. Still kind of an interesting little Metroid knockoff, though.
09 / 26 / 2009
I was gonna sit on adding Hellnight (Playstation) until late October for the whole Halloween theme thing ... then I remembered I hadn't updated in over a week :)
09 / 18 / 2009
Randomly felt like playing some baseball ... tried out Ken Griffey Jr.'s Winning Run and MLBPA Sports Talk Baseball
09 / 15 / 2009
Some light racial caricature aside, Po-reece-nautso turned out to be a very good "visual novel" sort of deal, if not quite as showstopping as Snatcher was.
09 / 11 / 2009
MOAR SPORTS DOOD. How about NBA Jam and NHL '96 for the Genesis, and then NHL Stanley Cup and Tecmo Super Bowl 3 for the SNES?
09 / 08 / 2009
Thanks to Lolifornia's sorry-ass political leadership of the last few decades, I now have nearly a solid week-and-a-half off from school despite just starting back less than two weeks ago. This means plenty of time for catching up on sleep from a summer of sleep deprivation and also catching up on some Fine Gaming.
Today is a veritable Ninjer Fest with the unreleased Genesis beta of Ninja Gaiden, the lolably disturbing arcade Ninja Gaiden , the disappointing but still solid Ninja Gaiden Trilogy , and Ninja Gaiden Shadow for the ol' Gameboy
09 / 06 / 2009
Hey, this week it's the start of the new NFL season. Good time to add Tecmo Super Bowl and Tecmo Super Bowl II for SNES to the archive
09 / 04 / 2009
Invisible man, sleepin' in your bed. Who can you call? Well, The Real Ghostbusters (ARC) and Extreme Ghostbusters (GBA) will probably let you down, but Ghostbusters: The Video Game (DS) turned out to be pleasantly decent.
08 / 30 / 2009
With Bad Blood and Celtic Tales: Balor of the Evil Eye , I feel like my blood has been cleared of obscure PC oldies ... at least for now. We'll gravitate back towards consoles and handhelds starting with the next update ...
08 / 21 / 2009
Couple of semi-obscure old PC adventure games from the early 90s - Adventures of Willy Beamish and Blue Force
08 / 13 / 2009
I dunno what else to say about Gabriel Knight 3 , so here it is.
08 / 03 / 2009
Ah what the heck let's play The 11th Hour while we're at it
08 / 01 / 2009
"Give us the boy, Mutton! We know what to do with him!" We'll review his game - The 7th Guest - and give it a overall even though it's a nostalgic favorite due to the soundtrack and Stauf.
07 / 25 / 2009
VIRGIN INTERACTIVE ENTERTAINMENT PRESENTS!
A WESTWOOD STUDIOS PRODUCTION OF!
Lands of Lore ! THE THRONE OF CHAOS!
(I've been poishoned!)
07 / 17 / 2009
Here's some more "adult" games that were too tame to interest Groader ... Leisure Suit Larry 7 was actually better than I was expecting, and here's two commercial games so obscure GameFAQs doesn't even have entries for them (MobyGames does tho) - Fascination and Entity
07 / 02 / 2009
Looks like everyone is leaving town or getting drunk for the holiday weekend already, so I guess I have more R&R time than I thought. Today I thought I'd mop up after the last unreviewed members of the Space Quest series, Space Quest 2 and Space Quest 6
07 / 01 / 2009
Man, instead of a vacation this summer, I get one day off for some Adult Entertainment. Oh well, let's make the best of it.
Like most first experiences, Leisure Suit Larry VGA doesn't last very long but you feel pretty about it anyway. And then there was Doki Doki Majo Shinpan for DS, which I thought I was gonna have to farm out to Groader due to nastyness, but it turned out to be incredibly tame and inoffensive. Also, not rated out of fairness due to being text-heavy and in a language I don't understand.
06 / 14 / 2009
Well Hello Thar. I'm gonna be pretty busy for the rest of the summer, so updates here will probably be very few and far between until like late August or so. I do have a pretty big backlog of half-written arcade reviews and freeware articles, tho, so I'll be finishing those and upping them to my AC page here and there For Great Pennies over the summer. Might want to keep that one handy if you need something to read while slacking off at work.
06 / 12 / 2009
It's basically an SNES Crapfest today ... well, Zoop and Ys 3 are fundamentally OK, but there's really no hope for Zool , Syvalion and Zero The Kamikaze Squirrel
06 / 09 / 2009
Moar Hockey with NHL Hockey '95 and Super Ice Hockey , Moar Face Kicking with Super Double Dragon and The Combatribes
06 / 03 / 2009
The Pens are thus far turning in a less than inspiring performance in the finals but I'm still up for some old school hockey games, so ... let's investigate the EA NHL series thoroughly, starting on the Genesis with EA Hockey , NHL Hockey , NHLPA Hockey '93 and NHL Hockey '94
05 / 31 / 2009
I guess this little N64 trip is as good a time as any to get Goldeneye and Perfect Dark into the archives!
05 / 28 / 2009
Hmm ... this well-executed Hogert Hump can mean only one thing ... it's time for some old-school rasslin' on the Nintendo 64! How about WCW vs NWO: World Tour and WWF War Zone
05 / 24 / 2009
I'm still upgrading the chosen few games from Good Smiley to Medals in the archives, so that's incomplete for now.
In the meantime I notice it has been like, a year since the N64 got any love. So let's dust off the old slot and jam in Mario Golf and Mischief Makers
05 / 22 / 2009
FF7 made me think it would be a good idea to expand the ol' 3 rating system to 4 ratings, to differentiate between "very good" and "superb". So I added a shitty medal to represent total Win, until I think of 4 better icons to use. And then make them. Could be a while, since that involves 2 steps.
Oh, and I put an explanation of the rating system up there too ^
I'll be changing some ratings in the Articles & Reviews sections for games made of sublime Win like your better Mario and Zelda games, etc., but I'm not going to bother changing the ratings on the Old News pages.
05 / 22 / 2009
The Penguins playoff tear has me in the mood for some oldschool sports games, so here's Tecmo Super Hockey and Mega Man Soccer
05 / 18 / 2009
Suddenly felt like playing some Genesis games ... so that's what I did. By coincidence, they all happened to be obscure, fairly difficult action games that are nonetheless pretty decent for one reason or another - El Viento , Sub-Terrania and Twinkle Tale
05 / 15 / 2009
C. M0use voluntarily replayed Final Fantasy VII ... and he gave it a ? Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?
Well, you can read the review y'know, but quick summary - I think most of the hate/criticism of the game is really about the stuff that's grown out of the game after the fact rather than the game itself.
05 / 12 / 09
OK sneaking back in for one quick update during finals week - here's Wing Commander
, and a pretty neat customizable freeware clone called Flight Commander
05 / 06 / 09
A Finals Week Approaches so I might be MIA for a while, but there'll be a Surprise when I get back ...
Until then here's a look at Capcom's obscure but pretty good Firebrand trilogy - Gargoyle's Quest
, Gargoyle's Quest II
and Demon's Crest
, all semi-Metroid/Castlevania like games that starred that little shit demon from Ghosts N Goblins.
Also three quickie arcade reviews of no major consequence - Mark of the Wolves
, Hit The Ice
05 / 02 / 09
Been a while since we've taken on a DS game here, so here's the fairly new The Dark Spire , the latest obscure limited release RPG from Atlus that will likely be up to $100 on eBay by the end of the year.
Whew! After all that hardcore dungeon crawling I needed an Action Break, so I checked out The Battle of Yavin / The Battle of Endor ,
two awesome freeware games that play somewhat like Star Fox 64 but in
the midst of the biggest battles from the Star Wars original trilogy.
Also, Fatal Fury 3 , which was way better than I expected given the track record of the previous games (but still pretty tough to learn.)
04 / 30 / 09
The two Manhunter games, Manhunter: New York and Manhunter 2: San Francisco ,
have their flaws and are a little too hardcore for most, but I've
always had a soft spot for 'em. Not enough to boost my objective
appraisal above a Meh, though ...
04 / 28 / 09
Just a quick update to throw DOOM and Star Control on the pile. Sorry about the lightweight updates these days, usual End Of The Semester procedure here.
04 / 25 / 09
Today - Old Skool PC RPGing
First off, I think Betrayal At Krondor is a pretty cool guy, eh spams the Skin of the Dragon spell and doesn't afraid of Wyverns. Then there's Ultima Underworld ,
the pioneering 3D dungeon game that I somehow never got around to
playing until just now (probably mostly due to Origin games being such
to beast a run on the computers back when they first came out)
04 / 11 / 09
OK this is it for adventure games for a bit, I promise -
King's Quest VI and Conquests of the Longbow
04 / 08 / 09
Today, two more adventure games - King's Quest V and Sam & Max Hit The Road .
Both have CD "talkie" versions, but one enhances the game greatly while
the other almost ruins it. Can you guess which is which?
04 / 06 / 09
fuLOVIN' the po-lice with Police Quest 2 and Police Quest 3
03 / 31 / 09
Just continuin' the adventure streak with Leisure Suit Larry 5 and Leisure Suit Larry 6
Most of my updates this past week have been over at AC, some good
freeware unearthed and I'm also on a bit of an arcade fighting game
kick as well. Instead of thousands of links here its easier just to go
to my bio page and all the new shiz is right on top.
03 / 22 / 09
That's right Brandon, get pumped 'cause it's time for The Legend of Kyrandia , Kyrandia 2 and Kyrandia 3
03 / 20 / 09
would have been remembered as a landmark victory for free speech in
gaming if ... y'know ... anybody had ever noticed it. I thought it was
fun, though, and I rambled on about it at length.
03 / 16 / 09
How about it, Snake? Can ya take one more theme day?
Today it's Playstation knockoffs of the Resident Evil engine that are a
little quirky in some way and aren't *quite* survival horror exactly - Vampire Hunter D , Fear Effect , Soul of the Samurai
Oh, and apparently my Miss World Nude '96 review was too awesome for
Associated Content, and they deleted it because it was making the rest
of their writers look incompetent. So I migrated it over here. And then I went ahead and wrote up freeware titles Truck Dismount and De Blob for them anyway, because I'm a dirty dirty whore
03 / 12 / 09
How about another theme ... okay ... Playstation games where
random music CDs can be used to enhance the gameplay. And I submit to
the court Monster Rancher and Vib Ribbon (unrated)
03 / 09 / 09
Today has a theme too, and it is PC Classics From My Childhood.
Prince of Persia , Prince of Persia 2 , The Secret of Monkey Island and, oh yes, the exceptional Monkey Island 2
03 / 07 / 09
I do hereby proclaim today to be Official Oddball Gameboy Games Day. In celebration, here's new Crapsule inductee Urban Yeti , Konami self-parody Kid Dracula , fun Wario Ware spinoff Rhythm Tengoku , gimmicky and indulgent Kojima Production Boktai and finally the virtually unknown Super Army War
03 / 03 / 09
As you can see, Tenchu: Stealth Assassins definitively settles the question of Ninjas vs Pirates for us. Also, Tenchu 2: Birth of the Stealth Assassins
02 / 26 / 09
When a man chooses to set out on a path - such as reviewing
ancient games that everyone has played already and noone else cares
about anymore anyway, for example - he should set his resolve and
accomplish his goals with as much thoroughness, skill and spirit as
Sometimes this means doing things that he knows will hurt him, such as playing Xenogears again. But such has become his fate.
Oh, and maybe it was just that I found the cutesiness and total lack of
Wangst bracing coming as it did right after Fei Sher Shang and crew,
but Summon Night: Swordcraft Story (GBA) struck me as not too bad at all. Flawed and far from great, certainly, but not too bad.
02 / 17 / 09
There's no need for words, Snake ... Metal Gear Solid
is ten years old! But I reviewed it anyway ... hmm what else is new
around here ... oh yeah, that inspired me to finally finish up that Metal Gear Solid Hard Mode Walkthrough I've had sitting around unfinished for decades ... also, Hippodrome , a fairly crappy arcade game.
02 / 11 / 09
There is definitely a certain Nerd
Orthodoxy on the internets when it comes to retrogaming. I have no idea
where it originates from ... probably more like a Borg hive-mind thing.
Anyway, the Orthodoxy states that Vagrant Story for
Playstation is an incredible RPG and an underappreciated classic. I
played and ... well, as Meh face might clue you in, I don't agree.
Sorry Nerd Orthodoxy, maybe next time.
02 / 06 / 09
Well, it's been ten years now, maybe it's time to give Silent Hill a look huh?
02 / 03 / 09
Scouted out some more excellent freeware - The Battle For Wesnoth is like Heroes of Might and Magic meets Warsong, or Warlords, but way more customizable than any of those. One Must Fall 2097 is the aged robot fighting classic (actually made freeware ten years ago now, shhh) and Wormux is a pretty good open source clone of the original Worms.
Also, let's celebrate the Stillers victory with Mutant League Football and, hey, Mutant League Hockey while we are at it.
01 / 31 / 09
Same story as last time, lotsa stuff
going on. I made a little time to report on two neat obscurities,
however. First up, easily the best Flash game I've ever played - Dino Run . Then - MONSTA IS ATTTACKING TOKYO! Daikaijyu Deburas is
actually one of the first games I used to play when NES emulation got
big a decade ago, but I somehow forgot about it all this time.
01 / 22 / 09
Another school semester returns, and with it, Lots Of Shit Going On.
Not much time for game writing or even just gaming for relaxation.
I blooched up a couple of quick things, though, just to do something. Quicky review of The 7th Saga ,
though I honestly don't have much to offer beyond "LOL TOO HARD", which
is what the rest of the universe has said about it to this point.
Oh, and Castlevania Fighter ,
which was actually a great freeware find I only hit upon by digging
through some obscure Castlevania forum. If you ever wanted to pit
Skeleton v.s. Death toe to toe to see who the bigger man is, this is
the one for you.
Finally, I pissed on Darfur is Dying.
What can I say, man, all the Serious Games I've seen so far Seriously
Suck. Yeah, I'm going to hell. I punched that ticket a long time ago,
01 / 14 / 09
Oh man, so I looked forward to playing Riders of Rohan (PC) literally for well over a decade ... and then it was Meh face.
01 / 11 / 09
It's a good thing nobody reads this site because I pissed on Tales of Phantasia and Star Ocean a little bit. That's the sort of thing almost guaranteed to generate nerd hate mail and douchey comments.
01 / 10 / 09
Couple of Kunio games for the NES today, Nekketsu Kakutou Densetsu (also seen on ROM sites as Riki Kunio) and Crash N' The Boys Street Challenge
01 / 08 / 09
Gotta get awaay ... get awaaayeeayeaaayaeyaaaahy .... anyway, another
section of the site that has become tragically underdeveloped over the
previous few months is Badass Platforming, but we're on the road to righteousness with today's addition of Holy Diver
for the NES. It really only gets the Meh because the last couple of
levels are unplayably difficult, otherwise it is tight like a sweet
01 / 05 / 09
It has been a surprisingly long time since we've had an inductee into the Crapsule,
but we've had a tear of bad games here recently and I am ... uh ...
pleased? ... to announce we have not just one but THREE new challengers
First is Bastard!
for SNES, which apparently recieved much less effort than the anime on
which it is based. We also have a couple of arcade games - the first Robocop, and also Wall Street which has become lolariously relevant as of late (at least in America).
01 / 03 / 09
Just some odds and ends today, and the ends aren't too odd.
Life has been good to Mega Man fans lately even if they don't have a Wii, due to Rockman7-FC and now to Rockman 5 Endless , a great ROM hack that emulates Mega Man 9's "endless" mode. Also, Bahamut Lagoon for SNES.
12 / 31 / 08
So it seems that the Dragon Quest games are one of
the latest things being "revamped" and pimped to Western markets via
the usual gaming media suspects. As I spend more time with the older
incarnations of the series, however, I've begun to come to a
realization. See, my thinking about the DQ series to this point has
been "Well, personally I'm not all that into them, but I guess they are
great games. They just aren't to my taste." Digging into them further,
however, I've decided that they really ARE mediocre games, and that the
contradiction between their massive success in Japan and my personal
boredom with them is not due to my not having refined enough taste or
whatever, but simply to the fact that they played on the psyche of the
Japanese gaming market masterfully. Think about the social and living
situations there, and who buys games both now and then - a bunch of
harried salarymen, and students who are in the midst of a vicious
ultra-competitive process to become the next generation of salarymen,
each of whom would be the ideal target for the sale of packaged rote,
repetitive, familiar comfort that gives them an (artificial) sense of
progress and achievement during their leisure time while they tune out
the world around them. I think this is why the games never really made
it as more than a passing fancy in the West, and why DQ 5 and 6 were
never ported (until now) even though they blew up sales records in
Anyway, that's what I believe, at least for now. Here's my thoughts on Dragon Warrior IV and Dragon Quest VI .
For full disclosure purposes, I actually ground my way through both
games years ago (with the blessed aid of emulator fast-forward
feature), but I admittedly only played a few hours into each as a
refresher for the reviews. I feel I've sunk too much of my life away
into games like this already, you know?
12 / 30 / 08
"Can you handle the power of my fiendish contraption?" I'll certainly try, baby.
Anyway, Treasure of the Rudras
started out interesting but wound up disappointing. All props to Aeon
Genesis for yet another fine translation and hacking effort, though.
Oh, and moar freeware - Warning Forever , which is a creative little shooter to replace Minesweeper as your go-to Windows time-filler game.
12 / 27 / 08
Welcome back baby, to the Mega Man side of town.
First of all, here are the two arcade games - The Power Battle and The Power Fighters .
Both are pretty decent, but they really just make you wish Capcom had
let you play as the robot masters, or made a full-length game with this
level of animation and gameplay.
Then there's Rockman & Forte
for SNES (aka Mega Man and Bass). For all the pissing and moaning I've
heard over the years about this one, I was sure I would hate it. Said
pissing and moaning seems to mostly be directed at the difficulty
level, and if you play as Mega Man, then yeah it is justified. If you
play as Bass, however, I thought the challenge was stiff but fair,
about on par with the first Mega Man X. So just look at Mega Man as
Ultimate Challenge Mode and you'll be fine.
12 / 26 / 08
OK, let's get ready for the New Year with a clean front page
... if you want any of the old stuff it's in the Old News - 2008
In a bit of a swordy mood right now with one of my all time favorite obscure PC classics - Zeliard . Also, this neat freeware game Guardian of Paradise ,
which is a really really good Zelda clone. It's by the guy who did
Akuji the Demon, which was a really good Castlevania clone, and also in
the archives here somewhere.