BASTARD! / Cobra Team / SNES

So, Bastard! is based on some anime that is apparently like the more pervy version of Inuyasha or something. There's this Magus-looking wizard named "Dark Schneider" who is trapped in the body of a little boy, but only a kiss from some random girl can unleash him. Apparently the anime actually isn't too bad as hilarity, destruction and secksual exploits then ensue. However, the game didn't work out quite as well.

The game is just a series of one-on-one battles a la Street Fighter, except you are in some quasi-3D arena where you fly around in circles and lob horribly inaccurate projectiles at each other forever. The projectiles are so hard to land on a moving target and do so little damage when they do that they are basically useless, so the game devolves into just flying around trying to use the other attack, which is some Ultimate Rape move where you line up with the foe and hit the L and R buttons. Oh, but wait ... Dark Schneider is the only character in the game who doesn't have a Rape Attack, he just has the pussy fireballs. And you are forced to use him in Story Mode.

Fortunately, he has an ace up his sleeve - pushing Start and Select simultaneously causes instant death to your foe! Haha! This also works, inexplicably, in two-player mode. So if a fight pisses you off in story mode (and all of them will) you can just skip it, and two-player matches devolve into seeing who can mash Start and Select together accurately first.

I dunno man ... apparently the game was made by a group who named themselves "Team Mental Cape", so I guess you shouldn't really expect much, but it looks like they thought the "WOW ZOMGOZORS FAKE 3D ON THE SNES" factor plus the anime tie-in would be enough to sell the game alone, so they just gave up and halfassed the rest. The Start+Select thing is evidence of this, I'm guessing it was some debugging tool that they were too lazy to even bother to go back and remove. What a joke of a game.

           Accept this hot jailbait ass!

Videos :

* Gameplay Video
* Lol commercial