DYNASTY WARRIORS DS / Koei / DS


I don't mind a good Dynasty Warriors game; it's brainless fun, but it's creative and viscerally satisfying brainless fun, and it treats the history of imperialism and violent conquest with an appopriate level of respect and "dignity", which is absolutely none.

However, it requires the hardware of a PS2 at least to really work, and when you take that away, you are apparently left with nothing at all worth playing. Fighter's Battle looks like the overworld portion of Xenogears, has abysmally lame AI, and is so short on content that you can literally exhaust all of the game's possibilities in one day.

You start on one side of a series of connected "provinces" (small areas with a few houses scattered about), the enemy starts on the other. You pick your main warlord to control as you singlehandedly bum-rush the enemy army, and the opponent picks his. You then run at each other like fools carving up hundreds of generic troopers who get in your way.

When the two main warlords meet, for some reason they decide to go fight it out one-on-one in a horse corral. Thanks to the game's simplistic and janky fighting system, these battles devolve into running around trying to pick up brass washers that randomly appear, when you fill up your "Washer Bar" you can do some insane combo that either takes off half the foe's health or just kills him outright. Whoever charges these up first basically wins the fight.

Fighting is really nothing more than button-mashing, and the enemy AI is horribly dumb, yet can pose a challenge simply due to massive numbers and taking a long time to kill. All you do  is mindlessly pound on the A button to get through wave after wave of clones, however, while trying to intercept the oncoming enemy warlord, and hope that he doesn't use that cheesy magic that warps you to some random point in the map, or warps him like right next to your home base instantly.

To round out the boring, janky gameplay and ugly graphics, there's a soundtrack of blaring Japanese butt metal, not the good kind of butt metal like Guilty Gear or the Konami Kukeiha Club, but lame-ass generic butt metal from the worst of your big-haired 1980s nightmares.

This game is atrocious.



Videos :

* Gameplay Video



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