SNAKE'S REVENGE / Konami / NES
 
 
I still don't understand Konami's thought process with this, but when the first Metal Gear game was ported from the Japanese MSX computer to the NES, they just completely shitted it up. With that one, I assumed it was simply a case of handing the game off to a "B" squad in the company, who proceeded to fuck it up royally (reportedly Kojima was not involved at all) - the game largely followed the structure of the MSX game, it was just executed 10x more terribly.

Snake's Revenge, however, looks like it was intentionally redesigned to be as bad as possible. It bears little resemblance at all to the MSX original, other than the most basic gameplay mechanics. The story has been changed, with a whole completely new supporting cast, and the layout is almost totally different as well. And it all sucks copious amounts of dick.
 


One key feature here is the same poor map plotting seen in the very first few screens of the first NES Metal Gear - unavoidable enemy alerts put right in your path that you can't really get around. In this case, it's spotlights that hit you the second you enter certain screens. When an alert is on (and oh, they will be), changing screens also often causes an enemy to spawn on top of you and do unavoidable damage the second you enter the new screen. There's also these Lazycopters patrolling around on the first couple of screens, and the rules about where they can and can't see you are just completely bizarre and inexplicable.
 


Oh, and you remember the menu screen that randomly switched buttons on you in the middle in the first NES Metal Gear? Yeah, that's back.

I could belabor the point with all the other terribleness of the game - the gratuitous and clumsy side-scrolling sequences, the horrible translation, the incoherent story - but the game is really best summed up by Kojima himself, who called it a "little crap game" during the presentation at the 2009 Game Developer's Conference. Sorry Snake's Revenge apologists, even the franchise creator thinks it's terrible.
 
 
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