SUPER NOAH'S ARK 3D / Wisdom Tree / SNES
 
 
So if you're not familiar with Wisdom Tree, they're this "Christian entertainment" company that released an awful lot of bad Bible-themed games through the 8- and 16-bit eras. A problem for them, at least with Nintendo's consoles, is that they couldn't be stuffed to pay the licensing fees and go through the quality assurance process that Nintendo mandated at the time. So they simply made what were basically unlicensed pirate cartridges instead, with all sorts of technological hacks to get around Nintendo's copy protection (a la Tengen and EA and their giant odd-looking cartridges on the NES and Genesis). God doesn't frown on intellectual property violations, apparently.

Super Noah's Ark is the only unlicensed cartridge released in such a manner for the SNES (that I'm aware of.) It's almost a Game Genie-like affair in that after plugging it in to the console, you have to plug in any other SNES game into the top, presumably so that the Noah's Ark cart can leech off of whatever validation circuitry is in it. The cart is odd; the game is maybe even odder. Somebody at Wisdom Tree got the idea that paying to license the Wolfenstein 3D engine and then sloppily modding it to make it about Noah shooting fruit into the mouths of raging animals would be a profitable formula. I don't even know where you would get sales figures for something like this, but I'll venture a bold guess and say that it wasn't.
 


So yeah. This goes about as well as you'd probably expect. Transferring these 3D FPS engines to the SNES was already a problematic affair even in the hands of the best possible developers; in Wisdom Tree's hands it breaks down completely. Sloppy movement, confusing lack of attack animations, terrible plotting of health/ammo, ugly graphics, small amount of repetitive goat enemies, terrible music playing the entire time. Incidentally, for a game about Noah with such boppy music, it's really surprisingly grim, with Noah constantly getting slaughtered by a small army of brutal goats. Dying only fades the screen to purple, but you turn to face your killer with the last of your energy, getting either a shot of a goat teabagging you or a pig going in to eat your entrails.

To be fair apparently other animals appear later in the game, but who wants to actually play it for that long?
 
 
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