SKULL AND CROSSBONES / Tengen / NES
 
 
Port of an arcade game ... terrible port. The original game was more of a beat-em-up style, certainly not great, but whoever ported it to the NES apparently couldn't figure out how to do a beat-em-up with depth of field (or just didn't have the time/budget to give a damn), so they turned it into a sort of platformer instead. A platformer with some of the floatiest jumping ever, cheap hits aplenty, and just nightmarishly bad bosses that are basically impossible if you don't bring like a thousand guns to the fight.
 


You're supposed to be clearing all these levels as fast as possible to save your favorite wench before the evil wizard electrocutes her titties ... but if you beat the game without enough treasure, apparently you fail at being a pirate and get Sad End. Acquiring said treasure involves stepping on crossbones in the levels, which you then have to step off of and wait for them to turn into the actual booty ... if they turn into a skull and you step on it, however, it kills you instantly.

Actually navigating around the levels is a nightmare due to ... fuck ... well, everything really. I know the graphics make the game look cute and colorful but the gameplay is pure trash.
 
 
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