FINAL FANTASY: DISSIDIA / Squaresoft / PSP
 
 
Dissidia is not your typical weapons-based 3D fighter a la Soul Calibur. Instead this is fruity fashion boy versions of characters from the first 13 FF games flying around constantly throwing homing fireballs and whatnot at each other. More like Custom Robo or the old SNES game Bastard! than a fighting game proper. I think what Square was going for here was an approximation of the fight scenes in that execrable FF7 movie.

What this means is a gameplay-weak fighter pitched almost entirely to fanservice of the hardcore FF fanbase. Some godawful contrived story full of cheesy cliche and sonorous monologues ties the whole thing together, two gods battling for supremacy pull characters out of their universes to fight on their behalf, etc. What this breaks down to, if you're not playing two-player, is a series of "campaign" maps where you go through boring levels fighting a lot of boring Metal Mario clones of the other characters. If you pick a character that can constantly skip and float away and lob spells, you win every time. If you pick a character that has to get up close with a sword, haha man, you're fucked.

Apparently this game is for kids who want to grind out LEVEL 100 CLOD STRUFF OMG. I dunno. Whatever. I'm too old for this shit. I've talked in previous reviews about how Square really has three entirely separate fanbases now - oldheads that came in during the 1990s and mostly fell in love with the SNES games (ProTip: me), the FF7-FF8-KH crowd, and the FFX-onward crowd. The gameplay here is aimed firmly at the 3rd group, but with plenty of fanservice content smeared in for the 2nd. The 1st group can just fuck off apparently, but we've known that for about a decade or so now.
 
 
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