the wall of our hearts / googumproduce / pc

 

And our Valentines Day special is ... oh, wonderful. Another Indie Puzzle Platformer. Well, at least this one is free, and not being hyped to shit and back by every blog in the world. In fact, I can't even remember how I found it now. I actually had to check to see if it wasn't a Glorious Trainwrecks Klik N' Play game, but it doesn't seem to be. After looking at the designer's page I've come to the conclusion it's just some sort of an overly complex troll attempt.

You play as Captain Gimpy Shanks as he apparently has to scale the Great Vertical Wall Of China to get with some girl. His only ability is a Super Mario 2-style poop squat to charge up and jump, and can grab onto ledges in Prince of Persia style. Also, sometimes there's objects you can pick up by pressing the down arrow over them. So that's all you do, figure out how to keep on jumpin' higher and higher, until I guess eventually you have to figure out how to descend the other side without shattering your brittle shanks, which seem to crumble if you fall even a millimeter farther than your normal jump height.

Honestly I got like maybe 3 or 4 minutes into this. An early set of puzzles has you carrying bread around to attract ridiculously strong birds that you can then jump on to hitch a ride. I thought it was pretty clever until I hit a bird that totally stopped responding to bread whatsoever, even when it was dropped right next to him, thus ending my progress completely. I figured if there's already a game-breaking glitch that quickly, why bother continuing. The developer didn't seem to give much of a shit about it, so I guess nobody else should either. Great use of the world's dwindling energy supplies all around.

 

Links :

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Videos :

* Gameplay Video

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